World Suicide Prevention Day

Today, September 10th, has been denoted as “World Suicide Prevention Day,” a day where the stresses, effects, and catalysts involved with suicide are recognized, in order to make others aware of its far reaching effects.
I don’t mind saying that for myself, every day is world suicide prevention day, in that I am aware that my world will end if I do not prevent myself from committing suicide.
A little dark humor to go along with a dark subject. It’s all very true, though. Why, the post before this one even gives it a metaphor. The bridge span shrouded in darkness on all sides, with only the railing for support, and myself holding on as tightly as I can manage.
Some days the abyss seems appealing, other days my feet long for the assurance of solid ground. My heart tells me I’m a fool for being in such a precarious position, but my brain reminds my heart that it’s not something I do willingly. Sometimes it even feels like I’m watching my actions through the eyes of someone I’ve never met, a person wholly separate from myself.
Suicide isn’t selfishness. When someone says it’s a selfish act, they only prove that they are the selfish ones. They look at a person taking their own life, by their own hand, and complaining about how it affects them instead.
Yes, it hurts. Goddamn, it hurts to see a friend take their own life, but it’s not about you. It was never about you. It’s not being selfish to want to escape the dreadful silence, or to escape the noise of one’s own brain, to get away from the riotous colors and sounds, the static and screeching, or the impulses that make us fear and despise our own selves.
I don’t speak for everyone, because I’m not everyone. I can only speak for myself. My voice is for me, but I want to make the voices of those who suffer come through loud and clear, so that they can be heard. They have a right to be heard. Some of them won’t want to be heard, they’ll simply want to slip away with as little fanfare as possible, no acknowledgment, no memory.
I imagine when I die, that people will remember me for a time. Then they will misremember me, and then they will forget me. It is the nature of humans to move on to the next thing, the greater distraction, the knife’s edge that cuts through the boredom. I can cope with that, as difficult as it is for me, but not everyone can.
I am not strong for resisting it, and they are not weak if they cannot. It has nothing to do with strength, stamina, or personal ethic. No moral, whether philosophical or religious, can justify blame laid against those who take their own lives.
Like you, I hope, I do not wish to see anyone suffer. I do not wish to see them die. There is already too much death, too much. Death will always claim victory, no matter how many pills you take, or how many surgeries you have. Death is far too powerful to be denied.
I believe in life. Life is short, it is confusing, it is wonderful, it is precious, life is madness, and it is ecstasy. It is all of these things, and only on the cusp of death do we realize how little of it there is to go around, and how hopelessly outmatched it is against the imminence of entropy. We will run out of tomorrows.
So today, I ask you to choose life, to celebrate life, and to take part in the lives of those around you. If you truly want to help, then be involved in people’s lives. Don’t browbeat them, don’t try to force their hand, and never shame them for something outside of their control.
If they need help, then seek out that help with them by calling one of the numbers below. If you need help, and you’re not sure where to get help, start here:
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (USA):
1-800-273-8255
The Trevor Project (USA)(Focuses on LGBT+ crises)
1-866-488-7386
Befrienders Worldwide (International):
https://www.befrienders.org/need-to-talk
Just select your country and you will see a directory for assistance.
One more thing: There is nothing you could have said or done in your life to make me hate you. Nothing. NOTHING. Any thoughts you may have of “you don’t know me,” or “you don’t know what I think or what I’ve done,” do not apply to me. You do not need to build yourself up for me, or tear yourself down. I love you as you are, with your heart, and your mind as it is. You are loved, no matter what thoughts run through your head.
I love you.