Sans Candles, Cards, & Crystals

I love candles. There’s just something magical about them. When sparked by fire, they create light, warmth, and the perfect setting for meditation, or just relaxation. Being in a meditative and relaxed state is conducive to the practice of magic.
Some, in an effort to fine tune their craft, use cards, pans filled with water, mirrors, or crystals. I have tried a number of these (I have yet to make use of the Tarot, though I am interested), and they’ve all given me fascinating insights into the ebb and flow of energies around my body.
I seem to have the most success, however, when I use nothing. While I am not one to shrug off really neat accessories to help me enter into a meditative state in order to open my mind to the universe around me, I seem to have no trouble at all accessing that plane. There is one slight problem, however.
I can’t control the flow of my energy. Not yet. When I open myself to the surrounding environment, it comes flooding in. At the same time, my energy immediately begins pouring out into the void. I’ve had candles lit (I’d rather not bang into my dresser while meditating), and they’ll start fluttering like they’re in a high wind, and I promise you not a breath of air (aside from my own) is in the room. The incense smoke rising into the air changes direction, and begins to surround me.
I have collapsed while engaging in my meditations. I shake, I can feel my whole body go numb, then a wave of white hot heat, followed by the feeling of being submerged in ice water, before the numbness returns. Everything becomes clearer, sharper, and suddenly I’m aware of every molecule, every atom.
Next thing I know, everything’s back to normal, but I can barely move. I wonder if part of it is because I denied accessing that part of me for so long? I’ve always been aware of it. When I was a Christian, I considered it dark and evil. When I was an atheist, I ignored it, pretended it wasn’t there, considered it nothing more than illusion or fantasy.
Here I am now, though, and I know otherwise. Not only is it real, but it has a real effect on me. Perhaps it’s because I’m so new at trying to control it, like a person who is exercising long dormant muscles they never knew they had.
Regardless, it is an incredible experience. It takes nothing to make it happen, either. I don’t need candles, cards, crystals (title drop!), music, or anything. All I have to do is focus on my own presence for a few moments, and I’m in like Flynn drinking gin in a Mercedes Benz.
Regulating this kind of energy may be the most difficult part of it all. I am curious as to whether anyone else has this issue, but I can’t ask it in the places I usually visit on the internet.
I still love candles, though. I have them around me whenever possible.