I am a good person, and I have a good heart¹. The idea that I would harm someone, anyone, bringing them pain just to take some kind of benefit for myself is abhorrent to me.
As I told someone else this morning who said to me “you’re either with us or against us,” the truth is that I’m ‘with’ everybody, and only against the terrible things done in the name of greed, hate, and ignorance. I really am with you.
There are people who will take your side because they see it economically, or socially, advantageous. They will stand by you for as long as they feel they can benefit from their association with you. Of course, when the shit hits the fan, they’re gone, and you’re left all alone without a friend in the world.
Believe me when I tell you that you still have a friend in the world. No matter how you got into the situation you’re in, there’s still someone out there who doesn’t hate you, who hasn’t abandoned you, and who won’t pretend they don’t know you. As I’ve grown older, I’ve begun to care less and less about popularity.
When I was a teenager in high school, I learned quickly that one lived and died by popularity, and for a time I tried to be popular. It was less than successful, but what I did do in the interim was build a base of friends who liked me for who I was. I was John, the nice Christian guy who didn’t yell at people or hit them with his bible. The guy who smiled when he saw someone, and asked them how their day was. The guy anyone could talk to without being judged.
Yep, even when I was a Christian fundamentalist, I couldn’t help trying to connect with people on their terms. I’m far, far from being a Christian fundamentalist these days, but that desire to love, to help, to be there for people is still powerful strong, and it still drives me to go places others may not travel.
In my worldview, there are no pariahs, no untouchables, and no outcasts. Everyone is my brother, and my sister. There are no irredeemable, no lost causes, no hopeless cases. I am not against you, I’m with you. You may think you’re the lowest scum, the filthiest sub-human creature, a monster, but as I have said before, I do not believe in monsters. There are no monsters here.
It has taken many years for me to understand that. For decades, I accepted other people’s views as my own, just so I could try them on and feel how they worked, but every time I walked away disappointed, because each one always left a group of people out, excluded from value, from worth, and it just could not match up to how I felt about people. So I started fashioning my own.
As some of you know, or maybe many of you, walking your own path can lead to negative reactions from others. You may be hated, distrusted, rejected, reviled, shunned, ignored, even murdered. How many instances can we name of people who traveled their own path and paid for it with their lives? It is not a commentary on whether their path was right or wrong (not that we could truly say from our perspective, at least), but that because it was different it was to be feared.
Humans are social animals, we take rejection poorly. We also take being different as a sign something is wrong with us. For the vast majority of us, I feel, when we’re not fitting in with the group, we’re trying to find better ways to fit in with the group. For me, a time came when I realized I was not going to fit in with the group. I was always going to be the oddball, the blackest of black sheep, the fool, the weird one, the crazy kid, the “off” kind of guy.
Oh, there are people who say “look how crazy we are!” as they flash the peace sign and take pictures of themselves standing on the hood of their car. And you know what? I’m fine with that. They’re clearly happy with the bond they’ve built with one another, and I cannot help but applaud that. Building bonds of love and friendship are important as ever, but I do have to say that they’re not crazy. They’re well within the limits of what I call popular crazy, where one is just different enough to show personal preferences, but still inside of the social bubble that says “this person is still normal, if a touch silly.”
Well, I like being silly, but walking your own path isn’t about just being silly. It’s about creating your own principles, building an ethics set that conforms to how you see the world, and how you wish the world to be. It is the structure upon which you support yourself, the framework of your heart and mind collaborating as one. It’s often a very difficult path to take, because it will often lead to rejection.
I ask you not to worry about the rejection. Even if you were rejected by the more than 7 billion human beings on this earth, I would still not reject you. I would still be with you.
“Um, Amaris, you’re not Jesus are you?”
Oh, hell no. Firstly, I swear a hell of a lot more than Jesus did. Secondly, I could never pull off the beard and sandals combo. No, Jesus came as a god among men, and said as such. He came presenting himself as flawless, without blemish. I am not Jesus. I am not flawless, I am not without blemish, and I’m definitely not a god among men.
I do have a beard, though. So… take that as you will.
What I am saying here, through all of this, is that I do love you, and that I don’t just say it, I live it. I back up my words with my actions. Don’t emulate me, don’t follow every word I say as something you must follow, just know that I do care about you, and that I won’t leave your side if everything falls apart, or even if you just need a friend. I’m here.
I’m here. I’ll always be here, even if you can’t see me or hear me. I will always be with you.
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FOOTNOTES
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[1] Anyone who knows me, and has known me long enough, understands how difficult it has been to reach this conclusion, and more so, how arduous the journey has been to accept it about myself.