Real Lovin’ From The Oven

The meditations are helping. At least once a week, I meditate for anywhere from 2 minutes to 20 minutes, depending upon how busy I am. It only takes a moment for me to refocus, but the extra time lets me gather everything together that also happens to be moving about me that would normally be too fast for me to catch. It’s like engaging a mindful reflex that reacts faster than 1/10th the blink of an eye.
When I’m in that millisecond, I can see everything behind me, and everything ahead of me. I can widen my perception to encompass the entire world, or I can zero in on only myself, depending upon what it is I seek to comprehend.
The idea is to move so quickly, that I can grab the concepts I need so that from the outside, in real time, it seems instantaneous, even though it isn’t. In that way, I can spend as little time on gathering material, as it were, and set about fashioning what I need from it.
Sometimes, if I have the time, I can just bring my presence down to the earth, and feel the ground around me. I don’t just mean where I’m sitting, but everything within my awareness. My perception sits atop everything, hugging it tightly, and giving me an impression of what it is, how it feels, and what its place is in reality.
You’d be amazed at what you think about when you’re aware of every particle of air, water, dust, every little bit of matter actually has a presence, a feeling, a shape. It has qualities that can be perceived. The level of awareness requires so little energy, too, that it’s a wonderful way to relax.
It’s like being a mote of stone. Everything becomes placid around you. You’re aware that things are moving, but so slowly that you can almost see the atoms rearranging themselves in their forward progression. It gets to the point where I can feel the blood moving in my body, and hear it as it passes my ear canal. Now THAT is wild. Do that a couple times, and you really start getting an image of humanity, and just where we are in the grand scheme of things.
Stillness, but even in stillness, there’s a furious planning. There is an earnestness to the stillness. It’s like staring at Rodin’s The Thinker and expecting that, at any moment, he is going to rise and walk away from his pedestal. Even though nothing appears to be moving, you know that it is full of life, potential energy waiting to be released.
A few weeks ago, during one of our many snowy days, I watched a single snowflake travel from a height of about 10 meters, all the way down until it alighted on a blade of grass and became a part of it. I am sure the time was only a few seconds, but I was focusing so intently on it, that it felt like 15 minutes. It was wonderful to experience.
So, yes, my meditations are going well. I still experience fear, terror in particular, as well as anxiety, but while I cannot completely quell their effects, I can ameliorate them to an appreciable degree. I hope that, with time and practice, I can mitigate their effects entirely.
The abolition of fear is one of my primary goals as a person. The spreading of love, and joy, is another. Some may see it as pie in the sky, but while they are free to do so, I should remind them that: Firstly, pie is delicious, and secondly, the sky has no limit. Unlimited deliciousness? Sign me the fuck up.
All of my love,
Am.
P.S. I should note that I do not partake in recreational drugs. Some of you may think I’m experiencing these things because I may engage in a little herbal meditation, but I do not. I do not drink, I don’t smoke, and I don’t toke.
P.P.S. I also apologize if you inferred from the title that my post was going to be about baked goods, or possibly sex. Sadly, it was neither of these things.