Tonight, I have drawn down the Moon for the very first time. It was an amazing experience. As an atheist, I cannot rightly explain just what all is involved behind the action, but I can say that it felt wonderful, and for the first time in quite a while, I felt peace.
I don’t know where I’m going yet, but I do know that wherever it is, I will no longer be alone. I can’t… I don’t know how to quite explain it, I really don’t. Back when I was a Christian, I’d have talked about spirituality, the Holy Spirit, God moving to touch my heart, and so on, but I do not believe in such a God anymore.
Some of you have read where I’ve referred to the Moon as a Goddess, and that is true. It isn’t in the deific perspective, but in some other sense, and I’m sorry it probably doesn’t make any sense at all for most people. All I know is that tonight I was in pain, my heart was troubled, has faced much trouble, my mind was once again attacking me, and so I decided to try it, I wanted to draw down the Moon.
Over the past few months, I have been studying various texts on Paganism, on Wicca, and while my understanding is very new, I find it quite intriguing, and of course if you know me then you know I will not leave a stone unturned, especially if there is significant knowledge to gain from it.
Anyway, I had read about Wiccans who, in times of meditation, would draw down the Moon, and it would bring them comfort and solace. So I opened up my heart, and my mind, and I performed the meditation. It was short lived, but the effect was immediate, and the sense of something powerful lay just beyond the tip of my tongue. I *felt* something, and I can’t rightly describe what it was I felt, but it was wholly encompassing. It wasn’t like how the Sun blinds you, but was like someone lit a small candle in a dark room, and suddenly details you couldn’t see before leapt out at you. It was surreal.
So as I sit here, typing, part of my brain is telling me “this is a fantasy that exists only in your mind and serves no genuine purpose,” while another part of me is still clutching its chest breathing “holy shit, I can’t believe that worked!”
For me, this merits much further exploration.