As I Go Along

Sometimes I wonder if I’m more mentally disturbed than other people. I say “more” because not one person on this planet is “normal.” It might seem that way with the slick advertising, the herd mentality, and the pretense that civilized society sits atop a firm foundation, but in truth we’re all just kind of making shit up as we go along, and then riding it out like we meant to do it that way.
History? Isn’t what we think it is. We believe we have a firm understanding of history, but I would put dollars to donuts on the idea that we’re probably not seeing 1/100th of humanity’s history in what we’ve studied so far. The thing is, when you can shape the historical narrative, you give the appearance of control, of a conscious normality that says “this is really what happened, we’ve been in control all along. We know what we’re doing.”
Well, we’re not sure it did, we haven’t been, and we don’t.
Still, people love to believe this is the way it has always been, and always will be. I can’t change that except to live my way, and hope they see that you don’t have to stick to the script you’re given. Of course, that does come with some problems. For example, if I do what I feel is right, and it ends up being illegal, for whatever reason, society decides I’m in the wrong, even if what I’m doing is the right thing.
Of course, it’s all subjective when you get down to it. For example, a hundred years ago, drinking alcohol was a crime. You were an immoral criminal, a pariah, if you were caught drinking a drop. Just a scant few years later, you could drink until you vomited on your own shoes, and people would just cluck their tongues or laugh at you. You were no longer a criminal, just a booze hound. What changed? A law. What caused the changing of the law? Some people think rights, or some bullshit like that, but really it was money.
That’s why marijuana is illegal in many U.S. states, because of money. There’s more money in enacting drug laws, and money given by companies that lobby to keep marijuana from being a legal recreational drug. It just so happens those companies have stakes in marijuana remaining illegal.
That is just one example. It’s not about justice, it’s not about morality or ethics, though people often assign morality to legalism, it’s about money. Our system is built on the transfer of money from the poor to the rich. Every day the homeless population thrives, children go hungry, men and women of all ages die in the streets because they lack money. We simply say they’re lazy, or lack moral fiber. It’s easier than saying we could end up in the same spot because we don’t have any money.
Here in the United States, being poor is an issue of morality. It is the state of the soul. The more money you have, the closer you are to God. That would be interesting enough in a nation that has made its god the accumulation of wealth, but in a nation filled with people who proclaim their Christianity as law, it’s nothing short of jaw-droppingly abnormal.
It is zany as fuck.
An example you say? Sure. Former Judge Roy Moore, a devout Conservative Christian, for example, as a large following of people in Alabama who wish to see him as their Senator, even though he has been accused of sexually molesting several 14 year old girls, while enticing others into sexual situations, and that’s only the ones we know about.
There is another recent case where Donald Trump’s former campaign coordinator, a conservative “family values” Christian, was caught engaging in child sex trafficking, child porn production, and child prostitution, and he’s out on bail because he dropped $100,000 for the privilege. His lawyer says they just want to put it all behind them. You know, because it’s taxing on him to… exploit children? What? Well, he’ll have his supporters, too, because… Jesus or something. It’s like living in the Twilight Zone.
These are the types of people I fight against. I have permanently damaged my mind dealing with that shit, trying to put an end to the exploitation of anyone, not just children, and the more I fight, the more I realize that nothing is normal. We’re all wearing pasted on smiles, and pretending that the whole fucking world isn’t burning down around us.
The thing is, we’re all trying to hold the pieces together. For some of us, it’s easy, for others, it is very difficult, and some of us simply cannot do it. As someone who has too much empathy and self-awareness for their own good, I am most definitely the latter. I try to hold it all together, but my internal compass screams for change, it demands we do better. I mean, come now, 1 in 5 children in the United States are starving, but fuck look at that, there’s a sale on Prada handbags at T.J. Maxx. Ooh, that one’s only $1,190!
Now, before you feel bad, don’t. It’s okay if you want a $1,200 handbag. The one I saw was rather pretty. My problem isn’t any of you, folks, it’s the people who step on the hearts and minds of others to hawk their wares at any cost. Our justice system is bought and sold, our penal system is bought and sold, our government is bought and sold, our police forces are bought and sold, and you and I who do not possess vast and deep pockets are at its mercy.
It happens in many circles, especially of those with significant privilege. Like with the Hollywood sexual harassment scandals now headlining every news program and magazine. These men got away with it for so long because they were wealthy, because they had privilege and power, and our judicial system ignored it, because if your pockets are deep enough, you’re moral enough for it to slide.
As a poor person, I can guaran-goddamn-tee you that I would not have received the same benefit of the doubt were I in any of those men’s shoes. Poor people don’t get that kind of a break, because according to our justice system, we’re already in an immoral position, and sliding towards further immorality. We were guilty before we even showed up in the court room.
It’s not right, but it is legal.
We’re just making this shit up as we go along, folks. People follow along with it because it’s what they consider normal, and normalizing this kind of thing is why we’re more than just a little fucked if we keep going in this direction. One of the reasons I have become a socialist (and have been for a lot longer than I initially realized), is because the corrupting influence of money has permeated every aspect of our society. We don’t just want wealth, we want obscene amounts of wealth.
So I follow my internal compass, I do what I believe is the right thing to do. If it means stopping exploitation, saving a life, feeding a child, protecting the innocent, then I will do it as necessary. I remember having this conversation with my mother yesterday as we watched television. We often talk about such things, and bless her sweet heart she supports me even though she thinks that sometimes I take foolish risks.
So I asked her, I said “mom, if you had to choose between the ethical path which might land you in jail, or the legal path that ignores an unethical act but you don’t face any risk, which one would you take?” She replied, “I’d stay out of jail.” And that’s her right. Hell, I wouldn’t want to go to jail, either, but we live in a society where that question is, at times, a reality we must face. While I am certain that many in the justice system are well-intentioned, it is still true that our system is deeply flawed.
We’re making it up as we go along, and pretending this is the way it has always been. Most people would choose the safety of legality, even if it’s morally questionable, because we’re more likely to choose safety, even at the cost of someone else’s rights. It’s why Jim Crow laws existed. Why slavery survived for so long in a supposedly free country. It’s why the LGBT community has been beaten and battered by the so-called moral majority, why women were told to shut up and serve without questioning their male superiors.
We have to change. The system as it is only works for people who fit perfectly in the round holes created for them. You want to know why I think no one is normal? Because there’s no way we had this many square pegs fitting into round holes without being hammered down upon, hard. We accept the hammering because we think it will make us into round pegs, but it won’t. We’re square pegs, folks. All of us. Those round holes weren’t made for us, we don’t need them, but we do need to love one another, we need to support one another, and we need to understand one another.
We must embrace our humanity, our differences, our abnormality, because until we do, we’re going to see more of this shit, and we’re going to be shocked every time, we’re going to wonder why every time, and then we’re going to keep pretending it won’t happen again, because McDonalds is offering two cheeseburgers for two dollars, and if things were really out of control, wouldn’t they be focusing on something more important than money?
Sure.
Possibly more to come on this one.