Tonight, I have drawn down the Moon for the very first time. It was an amazing experience. As an atheist, I cannot rightly explain just what all is involved behind the action, but I can say that it felt wonderful, and for the first time in quite a while, I felt peace. I don’t know where I’m going yet, but I do know that wherever it is, I will no longer be alone. I can’t… I don’t know how…
I am water. I glide downward in rivulets, becoming streams that rush together into waterfalls. I am the memory that was and will be. A forgotten ferocity cleverly disguised as a tear drop. This is my power. I am winter. I bring the chill of death. I tally the fruit that has spoiled. I put to sleep the seeds of what will grow. I am darkness. I am loneliness. This is my purpose. I am the Moon. I control the…
I just want to hug a dog until my heart stops hurting. I’ve been under massive amounts of stress the past 8 or 9 days weeks months years. Right now, I would love a warm doggy to hug and hug until the pain in my heart stopped hurting, until people would just leave me alone and let me be, and until people would quit taking and taking from me without offering to give in return. That would be so wonderful….
I find myself crying an awful lot these days. I’ve always been somewhat sensitive: romance films, greeting cards, and so on, but the real crying happens when I encounter something that either causes strong elation, or just troubles me deeply. Yesterday was Thanksgiving. I spent it with my family: my father, mother, brother, sister-in-law, and my niece and nephew. I love them all, so it’s nice when my brother and his family come over to have Thanksgiving dinner with us….
I’m sitting here typing this, and the house is quiet except for the lowered volume of the television pushing out “Alfred Hitchcock” reruns. Today is a national holiday, Thanksgiving Day. A lot has happened this year, and there is still over a month to go. A part of me fears the future, the biggest part of me, in fact. I fear not only the future for others, but for myself. Sometimes I think past my future, and I wonder how…
I purchased a ring. I love rings, but I generally don’t buy jewelry, because as a caregiver I need to keep my hands, especially my fingers, free of anything that might get in the way should I need to act quickly in an emergency. It’s also impractical because I’m often wearing medical gloves, washing my hands, and generally dealing with unpleasant things that would damage the ring anyway, and might even hurt the person I’m caring for, and I definitely…
Atop a bent back, sits a bruised and broken mind, Impossibly kind. Kindness is my fault, I give felicitations. Docile to the bone. What I am inside, Is the outside you see, for I will be me. Caged inside my mind, A pocket full of day dreams, Gray skies mocking them. Strangers narrow eyes, My ulterior motive, To love without being judged. Judge and jury all, Cannot fathom free kindness, Suspicion is cheap. They condemn with joy, No one trusts…
Sometimes I feel like any moment death will come at me from around the corner. I sit here, and I drink my non-alcoholic beer (I don’t really drink alcohol, and it’s good for relieving gas pain in my chest). I sit here in expectation every night, that death will finally show its head, and I will greet it with all of the sadness in my being. I don’t know if it will be the death of my body, the death…
Sometimes I wonder if I’m more mentally disturbed than other people. I say “more” because not one person on this planet is “normal.” It might seem that way with the slick advertising, the herd mentality, and the pretense that civilized society sits atop a firm foundation, but in truth we’re all just kind of making shit up as we go along, and then riding it out like we meant to do it that way. History? Isn’t what we think it…
“Merry Christmas, movie house!” “Merry Christmas, Emporium!” “Merry Christmas, you wonderful old Building and Loan!” We are in dire trouble, my dear friends. We’re living in a country ordered, owned, and operated, by Henry F. Potter. He assaults us from on high with his amoral declarations. He robs our pockets with the help of his affluent cronies. He buys our justice department with his taxpayer money lined pockets. He is the most visible aspect of capitalism without restraint, a corrupt…